Battle of the Cell Phones
by Tender Falling Rain
Summary: Short little parodies. Please RR! Nabiki got one first. Then Ranma & Akane got their own & everyone else followed suit. Now everyone has cell phones. Even Kasumi! But how will the technological era of BlackBerries & SmartPhones affect the Ranma Universe?
1. No Txting at the Table!

Quick notes - Paragraphs with '::' on either side designate text messages. There's also a lot of shorthand used for the texting portions that should be pretty self explanatory.

Ranma 1/2 is not mine and none of the characters actually have cell phones in the original story, which isn't surprising considering it was published during the 1980s and 1990s. Get it? Got it? Good! On with the story then!

* * *

Ranma woke to the sound of his dark red cell phone shouting 'Mortal Kombat' while the hyper movie theme song blared annoyingly in his ear. He groaned and quickly snatched the device, attempting to hit the snooze option on it. However, that option had clearly been disabled, and the phone was temporarily locked until the song ended. Agitated, he sat up and glared at the screen, where a downloaded screensaver with an animated head that looked suspiciously like Akane bobbled back and forth to the beat of the music with its tongue sticking out at Ranma. He angrily slammed the phone down on the floor in front of him and crossed his arms over his chest, drumming his fingers on his forearm impatiently until the tune ended.

When it did end, Ranma, now fully awake, immediately snatched the phone up and began furiously typing out a text message.

::I'm so sick of u messing w/ my cell settings u stupid uncute tomboy!!!::

After pushing send he immediately navigated to the alarm settings on his phone, only to find that he couldn't make any changes to the options without entering the password, which he didn't know. Akane had changed it. Again. The last one had been 'Pervert' which he had figured out rather quickly, but the newest one had kept him baffled for over a week. He tapped out several guesses, none of which were correct. As he pondered the possible password, a message popped up on the screen and he opened it.

::Lol. Would u rather I splash u w/ water every morning 2 wake u up? Now quit trying 2 figure out the password & get downstairs 4 breakfast or we're going 2B late!::

Ranma perked up at the mention of breakfast and jumped to his feet texting back while exiting the room and heading downstairs.

::What's 4 breakfast?::

::Dunno. I'm still jogging. BBS. Go down & see 4 yourself!::

::Huh. I had no idea klutzy tomboys could jog and text the same time. RU sure that's safe?::

::Jerk! I'm a MA 2, u know! I have excellent reflexes & always know what's around me!::

Ranma snickered somewhat fondly and opened up his quick text options where he had a number of saved insults programmed for easy access. He did enjoy teasing his fiancé after all. He had just selected an appropriate taunt regarding her lack of skills as a 'MA' (which was of course short hand for Martial Artist) and was about to send it off, but having just reached the bottom of the stairs, he ended up colliding with Akane who had just come through the front door and was equally engrossed in her phone.

"Yow!" they shouted in unison smacking into each other hard and both falling to the floor where their cell phones skidded in different directions. Fortunately they had both bought industrial strength phones that didn't break easily as a precaution against the frequent accidents that occurred in their lives. Ranma had even paid extra for a waterproof cell phone case.

"Why don't you look where you're going?" Akane shouted snatching up her phone before pushing to her feet.

"Ha! Why don't you? Whatever happened to, 'I'm a Martial Artist, I have excellent reflexes,' huh?" he shouted back, also grabbing his phone as he stood.

Her eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to retort, but right about then the phone in her hands began to vibrate and she flipped her attention to it, opening the new message that had come through.

Ranma had only a moment to feel miffed at her attention being diverted before his phone also started vibrating and he looked at the message.

Akane glared at the message on the phone she held.

::Ranma, what time date today Shampoo? XOXOXOXOXO::

Ranma also glared at the message on the phone in front of him.

::Akane Tendo I love u! I would date w/ u!::

Ranma handed Akane her pale yellow phone with purple floral accents around the border in disgust. "I grabbed your phone by mistake," he grumbled. "Have fun on your date with Kuno!"

"I will! Have fun on your date with Shampoo!" Akane growled snatching her phone and slapping his red one back into his outstretched hand. "Hmph!" she sniffed, turning on her heel and storming into the tea room. Ranma sighed throwing his arms up in the air in disgust at her temper. Both ignored the most recent text messages they had received as they sat down at the table.

They continued to cast angry glares at each other throughout breakfast until Akane eventually started to text again. Moments later Ranma's phone buzzed and he opened his newest text.

::Quit hogging all the rice, u idiot. P.S. I'm not talking to u!::

He quickly responded.

::Fine by me. I'm not talking 2u either then. & I'll eat as much rice as I want! Kasumi doesn't mind.::

::Kasumi, tell Ranma not to hog all the rice.::

Kasumi looked at the message on her lilac colored phone and sighed. "No more texting at the table you two," Kasumi berated Ranma and Akane who both hung their heads in shame before discarding their phones and resuming their meals in silence. Kasumi then whipped her head over to her other sister. "That goes for you too, Nabiki!"

Nabiki glanced up from her plain grey, no nonsense blackberry briefly. "No can do, Sis. The currency exchange rate just went way down in Chile. I have quite a few stocks to buy before the market closes there for the da…" she trailed off as her phone beeped and she perked up in alarm. "No!" she shouted, dropping her chopsticks and furiously typing onto the small device with both hands at a rapid pace. "Sell! Sell! Sell!"

Kasumi sighed and gave up, picking up her own phone again and navigating to her favorite cooking recipe website to browse while eating her breakfast.

Meanwhile Ranma's phone buzzed again and he opened the newest message noting it was from Akane again.

::Ranma, let's not fight nemore. I love u!::

Ranma looked over to Akane who was obliviously munching on a piece of fish. Her eyes shifted from her food to him as she caught him staring at her. "What do you want?" she asked, a slight irritated tone in her voice.

Ranma's eyes narrowed and he jerked his head to his other side where a large panda sat next to Soun, huddled over a small device.

"See, and then if you go to insert they have a little heart you can add! See! Isn't that cute?" Soun was whispering in hushed tones. Ranma interrupted their technological investigation by reaching across them and snatching Akane's phone away.

He tossed it over his shoulder to Akane who deftly caught it. "Hey!" she shouted indignantly. "Daddy! Stop sending messages from my phone!"

"Yeah," Ranma chimed in, directing his frustration at his father. "If you're so fascinated with the dang things, get one yourself."

"'Don't wanna!'" read the panda's sign. "'I much prefer the simple elegance of handwritten notes and signs!'"

"Only because you're too cheap to buy a phone," Ranma muttered under his breath.

Akane heard him and snickered slightly, earning an appreciative grin from Ranma, but his comment and their exchange were both missed by the two older friends.

"I agree Saotome," Soun began chattering. "Can you believe these children today with their modern appliances? Why when we were young…" he started rambling, only to be cut off as Nabiki, Ranma and Akane's phones all went off at the same time.

"Gotta go!" Nabiki said jumping to her feet.

"Time to get ready for school!" Akane quipped.

"Ah man!" Ranma whined, only to be grabbed by the pigtail and yanked to his feet by Akane and dragged in the direction of the stairs.

"Let's go Dummy! We don't want to be late!"

"Dummy!" Ranma bingo-ed as he typed out the possible password into his phone, this time gaining access to the options menu. "Ha ha! I got it! Who's the Dummy now, Tomboy?" Ranma taunted.

Akane sighed, and rolled her eyes. "Took you long enough," she grumbled to herself as she made her way up the stairs with a happy, triumphant Ranma close behind.

* * *

Author Notes - Lol. That was fun! Yay for Parodies! This was just a short, silly little idea I got in my head that wouldn't leave me alone. I started wondering what would happen in the Ranma universe if everyone had cell phones, especially with today's modern technological advances. I haven't decided if I'm going to continue with this story or not. It most certainly adds a new interesting dynamic to things though! So what did you think? Is this concept worth exploring further or should I ditch it and focus on my other stories? I do have another chapter already written for this entitled 'There's an App For That' but I'm not sure if it's worth uploading. Tell you what, if I get 10 reviews I'll add it, okay? I'd love to hear your thoughts and suggestions for this (If you think I should continue, that is). It has a loose simple plot, so I can add all kinds of ideas if you guys make any fun suggestions.

Thanks for reading! Please Review now!

Ja!

- C -


	2. There's an App for That

A few quick notes before I get on with the story. First of all does anyone know how to get 'at' signs and 'v brackets' to show up in stories? I tried to use them in the first chapter so I could make an angry face, a rose and a heart as people tend to do in texts but formatted them out! :-( Oh well, let me know. Moving on…

*Looks at reviews, blinks in surprise* Wow! So that got 10 reviews in record timing for one of my stories! (Actually it got 11, but for the record '. .' does not count as a review!) Unfortunately now I have no way of knowing if it got a lot of reviews because the concept is just so awesome (doubtful) or if it was because I held the chapter hostage (likely). Oh well, either way, it looks as if you guys want me to continue, so I shall! You don't have to keep reviewing unless you want to, but keep in mind this is still low on my priorities, so if this story gets a bunch of reviews there's a chance it will get bumped up a little higher on my priorities list. Also, I've got a poll going on my profile where you can vote for your favorite work in progress of mine. The ones that get the most votes will probably be the ones I spend the most time on.

Thanks to everyone that did review! I really enjoyed reading your comments, and I hope you all continue giving me suggestions of things I can add. A lot of your ideas were awesome and really inspired me! I plan on putting a lot of those ideas into the story. Someone even mentioned an idea that I had already written into this chapter which was pretty cool. Keep it up with the reviews and the ideas! Both will help me pop out chapters quicker.

A lot of you also seemed concerned a bit with the fact that this story will likely not have much of a plot. *shrug* What can I say, it's a 'spoof/parody' so no, it's not going to have an incredibly cohesive plot and it's likely to be more than a little bit on the random side, but I favor ordered chaos, so there is a semblance of a plot, although it's a simple one, 'A day in the life of the Ranma ½ universe where everyone has cell phones!' Also, I do have a conclusion of sorts in mind that I think you all will like. I don't plan on this story being much more than 5 chapters overall. There's a limit to how many jokes you can make without becoming redundant.

One more thing, I'm going to keep the status of this story set for complete, because each chapter will pretty much stand on its own and could be easily be the last. But I can definitely keep going with this so I will try and do just that. Okay, enough rambling. On with the story!

Chapter 2: There's an App for That

. . . . . . . . . .

Ryoga trudged down a street staring at his yellow and black tiger striped phone which had a map and an arrow on the screen.

"Turn left," a prerecorded chipper voice called from the phone. Ryoga immediately turned right and the phone vibrated violently, sending an electrical jolt through his system. "Your other left," the phone called, this time more firm and annoyed sounding, no longer polite and chipper. It took several wrong attempts and zaps before Ryoga turned the correct direction and the phone erupted into a recording of applause and fanfare music, causing Ryoga to smile proudly.

"I'm really liking this phone's GPS app," he beamed.

A few moments later he stopped in front of a familiar building as his phone announced, "Congratulations. You have reached your destination!"

Ryoga pumped a fist in the air and cheered. "Alright! I made it back to Furinkan High School in only a few hours! "Now to find Ranma," he said, his eyes narrowing as he looked around. As a random boy passed by he grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Can you tell me where Ranma Saotome is?" he asked the bewildered boy.

The boy looked around for a moment before pointing over Ryoga's shoulder at Ranma and Akane as they ran towards the school. Ryoga released the boy and turned to face them as he pulled his large red umbrella from atop his pack.

"Ranma Saotome," he yelled. "Prepare to die!"

"Woah," Ranma calmly said, sidestepping Ryoga's strike and holding his palm up to indicate he wanted Ryoga to wait as he madly tapped buttons on his phone with the opposite hand. "Hold on a second. I just mastered this awesome combination technique on Street Fighter and am about to take out the boss."

"Really?" Ryoga shouted in excitement positioning himself behind Ranma, staring over his shoulder at the miniature displayed game with the pixilated graphics. "Quick! Do a chi blast! You almost got him!"

"Boys," Akane scoffed, shaking her head disdainfully and looking up long enough to roll her eyes as she passed them before going back to updating her Facebook status from her phone to read 'is actually at school early for once. Yay for obnoxious alarm apps!'

"I know, I know!" Ranma shouted back at Ryoga who was being an annoying backseat game player. "Shut up will ya? I almost got…" The phone played fail music and Ranma deflated, turning a glare at Ryoga. "Now look what you made me do!"

"Heh," Ryoga scoffed. "You must not be very good if you get so easily distracted."

"Oh yeah? And how many times have you beaten the game's boss?"

"The boss? Oh all the time! I've already beaten the secret boss too!"

"What!?! No way! I didn't know there was a…" he trailed off realizing Ryoga had to be bluffing. He was confident in his mobile Street Fighter game playing skills. After all, the game displayed the local area stats, and he knew perfectly well that he was a top player for Furinkan High, second only to some clown named VooDooMstr, whoever that was. "Oh yeah, him. He's a cinch! But have you beaten the super secret boss yet?"

"What!?! There's a…"

"He's lying," Gosunkugi interjected as he passed by without looking up from his own dark black phone. "There is no super secret boss, just the secret boss, which consequently is a she, not a he, Saotome."

Ranma and Ryoga watched the pale, feeble boy pass them, feeling rather chagrined at being one upped by the boy. Ranma finally coughed uncomfortably.

"So anyway," he said in an attempt to change the subject. "What are you doing here anyway, Pig-Boy?"

Ryoga glared. "I'm here for our duel!" he said dramatically.

"Oh really?" Ranma asked, raising an eyebrow. He then opened the calendar on his phone flipping ahead to the 'duel' he had scheduled and confirmed with Ryoga via text the previous week. "It says here our duel isn't until next Friday you moron," he said holding up the phone for Ryoga to read. "You're early!" he growled. "Again," he muttered under his breath. Ever since Ryoga had gotten his new phone with the specialized GPS App he had been annoyingly punctual and more often than not early, and his visits had become much more regular.

"Yeah, well, who cares?" Ryoga grumbled, trying to hide his slight embarrassment at the mix up. "You don't need an appointment to meet your death! Fight me now!"

"No can do," Ranma said, looking at the calendar on his phone instead of the boy in the bandana. "I have a duel with Kuno in about three seconds…"

"Ranma Saotome, today is the day you meet your…" Kuno's statement was cut off as Ranma back kicked him in the face without turning or looking away from his phone. "Doom…" Kuno slurred before collapsing to the ground.

"Okay, check on that one," he said, confirming his appointment had been completed. "But school starts in one minute." He looked up at Ryoga with a calculating glance. "How awesome is this 'awesome new ultimate technique' you told me you'd picked up?"

Ryoga gave him a toothy grin. "It's pretty incredible! There's no way you can beat this one, Ranma…"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ranma cut him off. "Where'd you get it from anyway?"

"Pfeh, liked I'd tell you!"

Again Ranma cocked an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Okay fine," Ryoga consented. "I googled 'awesome ultimate fighting techniques' on my phone's web browser," he admitted reluctantly.

Ranma let out a short laugh. "Figures. Okay, well assuming this technique is as awesome as you claim, I'm guessing I'll need to schedule a five minute block of time for our duel, which means before class isn't going to cut it. How about noon at my lunch break?"

"Ooh," Ryoga hissed hesitantly. "That's kinda a bad time for me," he said rubbing the back of his neck. "I've got a lunch date with Akari at 1:00 and with travel time and all…"

"No kidding? You two doing well then?"

Ryoga flushed. "I uh, guess so."

"Huh, who'd have thunk a shmuck like you could maintain a serious relationship with an actual girl!"

Ryoga began to glow furiously. "Ranma!" he yelled.

"Twenty seconds to class," Ranma reminded and Ryoga immediately deflated.

"Oh right, sorry. What about after class?" he asked.

"Hmm," Ranma tutted glancing over his calendar again. "I'm pretty packed then too. I've got a fight with Mousse at 3:45, Tarou at 4:00, some new guy named Rage at 4:30… What about 4:15?"

"Um, hmm, I better check mine too," Ryoga said pulling out his phone to look over his calendar as well. "No, darn it, I almost forgot. I gotta get Checkers to her vet appointment by 4:00."

"Dang, and then at 5:00 I've got a date with Akane and then… Wait. What?" he asked glancing at the appointment on his phone more closely before sighing. "Stupid old man programming things in my phone again…" He glanced over the next few appointments and made note of the fact that Ukyo and Shampoo had also managed to somehow program dates into his phone. "Gah! Why can't people just leave my phone alone?"

As he complained, the Mortal Kombat song went off on his phone again reminding him to head to class and he groaned as an annoying realization struck him. "No, no, NO! Ugh! Stupid Akane! She changed the settings and password AGAIN!?! Already!?! How does she do it?!" He wondered out loud, completely flabbergasted. He had to admit, a small part of him was actually impressed with both her persistence and her ability to gain access to his phone repeatedly no matter how diligent he was about guarding it. It truly baffled him! But those feelings of marvel were easily overwhelmed by his feelings of aggravation. He knew from past experience that Akane must have switched his settings back to the ones she favored, and that even after the song had ended it would be locked until she decided to key in the password for him, which typically wasn't until school was over. Or he guessed what the password was, whichever came first. Every time she gained access to his phone, she would immediately program his morning alarm, and then set it up to lock down as soon as school started so he couldn't play with it during classes and would have to pay attention to the teachers. It tended to backfire however as he typically spent most of the class periods trying to guess the password instead of listening to lectures, but she persisted nonetheless. _'At least she doesn't go through and delete all my female contacts, like some people,'_ he thought as his eyes narrowed, remembering how his father, Mr. Tendo, Shampoo, Kodachi, Cologne and even Ukyo had done that very thing on numerous occasions.

Back to the matter at hand he looked up at Ryoga and shook his head in defeat. "Sorry Man. Nothing I can do about it now. Phone's locked up. Akane changed the stupid password again and I don't know what it is."

"Try Ryoga!" The once eternally lost boy suggested.

Ranma rolled his eyes. That was always Ryoga's suggestion, and it was never correct. "Uh huh. Yeah sure Mr. Delusional. If anything it would be P-Chan." Despite Ranma's skeptical words he made a mental note to try that particular password as soon as the song ended. "I gotta get to class. I'll text you so we can reschedule." He looked at the phone again and let out a sigh. "Eventually. I really gotta figure out a way to get her back for this."

"Yeah, okay," Ryoga said as the bell rang and Ranma took off towards his class. He sighed, feeling slightly dejected. He had been so busy talking to Ranma that he hadn't even gotten a chance to say hello to Akane. He'd been meaning to get her cell phone number for some time so he could communicate with her better, but Ranma had a knack for always interfering and intercepting him. "Oh well, nothing to do about it now. I'll try and talk to her next time." Ryoga then turned back towards the street and activated his GPS App. "Navigate to Akari's Farm," he barked.

"Turn right," the chipper female voice chirped. "You two-timing directionally challenged idiot," it rambled on in a quieter tone.

Ryoga stopped in his tracks and stared at his phone incredulously. "What?" he squeaked.

"I mean… Turn right! Then, in two hundred feet, turn left!"

. . . . . . . . . .

Author Notes: Hehe, again, that was fun! Hope you enjoyed it as well! I always wondered if Ryoga would actually be able to get around with the use of a GPS. Guess now we know, he can, as long as it's a particularly brutal GPS! I assume there's an App for that. ;-)

Next up, Chapter 3: Can You Hear Me Now? ... Good!


	3. Your Mailbox is Full

Quick notes - _'Things in italics will represent sounds coming from the cell phones such as ringtones.'_ '...' between sentences designates pauses for conversations occurring on the other end of the phone line.

I don't own Ranma 1/2 or any of the characters within, or the songs featured in this chapter. Now, enjoy!

Chapter 3: Your Mailbox is Full!

. . . . . . . . . .

"No! You idiot! Why in the world would I want Mexican Taco shells? It's an okonomiyaki restaurant! I asked for Tako! You know, as in octopus? ... I did say that! Honestly, what am I going to do with 10 crates of Taco shells? ... No, I said Taco, not Tako! I still need the Tako! ... Yes! Send more! ... I don't see why that's so confusing! I want to order 10 crates of Tako! And I want a discount this time! ... But I never asked for Tacos! I'll send them back if you want! Honestly, I have no idea what to do with them otherwise but I guess I'll have to figure something out!"

Ranma watched, bored as Ukyo paced the classroom at lunch arguing with one of her suppliers over the phone. It seemed that was all she ever did anymore, make calls about her business. She was almost as bad as Nabiki.

Hiroshi and Daisuke came over and sat next to Ranma, their phones already out and Ranma rolled his eyes already knowing what they wanted.

"Hey Ranma, come on! Can you please give me Akane's digits?" Hiroshi asked.

"Yeah, me too! Oh, and can I have Shampoo's while you're at it?" Daisuke asked.

"Oh yeah! I want Shampoo's number too!"

"No way! I asked first!"

"Guys!" Ranma said firmly. "Sorry, I'd like to help you out, but I can't." Ranma held his phone up showing that it was locked once again.

Both guys groaned sympathetically. "Did you try Furinkan?"

"What about Mortal Kombat? That is the song that it's always playing, right?"

"Yes, I tried both of those!" He rolled his head to the other side and looked to Akane. "Akane, come on! It's lunchtime! I'm bored!"

"Oh alright," she said, taking the phone from him and quickly keying in the password. She handed it back then. "You have twenty minutes."

"Yes!" Ranma shouted, tackling his phone. "VooDooMstr, you are going down!" he said intent on spending his twenty minutes playing Mobile Street Fighter again. However, as soon as he obtained the phone, an error message blinked on the screen. "Huh?" he said reading the message out loud. "'Your mailbox is full, please delete old messages!' Ah man!" He stood, resigned and made his way to the back of the room where it was quieter so he could sort through his messages.

"Why are you always doing that to Ranma's phone?" Akane's friend Yuka asked.

Akane shrugged before casually returning to her lunch. "Dunno, it's just fun. He tries to pull the same kinda stuff on me all the time. I think he actually started it anyway. He changed my home screen greeting so it read 'Uncute Tomboy' or something equally unoriginal. Anyway, I programmed a password on mine so he couldn't mess with it again and then figured I should try programming one on his as well," she snickered. "When it comes to phones it turns out I'm just a tad bit craftier," she grinned evilly. It was nice having the upper hand for once, and it amused her to no ends that Ranma went through such great lengths to guard his phone from her, failing to realize that thanks to Bluetooth technology and a special hack app Nabiki had given to Akane she could mess with his phone to her heart's content from her very own personal phone without ever having to touch his.

"Thank goodness!" Ranma said as he returned to his seat. "That was the last of the messages. Now I can…"

'_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell…' _

Ranma sighed as his phone began playing the 'Matchbox Twenty – Unwell' ringtone he had specifically downloaded for a particular troublesome female. "Who's that tone for?" Akane asked him.

"Duh!" Ranma answered, holding up the phone to show an image of Kodachi. He then poured a bottle of water over his head and answered the phone in a high pitched, cutesy, over the top feminine voice. "Moshi, moshi, Ranma desu!" A shrill voice screeched on the other end and Ranma flinched, holding the phone away from his ear. "I told you crazy girl, this is my phone!" … "Yeah, I am Ranma Saotome!" he insisted as he stood and walked towards the back of the room again to finish the call.

Sayuri and Yuka giggled. "I can't believe he wastes money on downloading specialized ringtones!" Sayuri commented.

"I know right?" Yuka chimed in. "They're so expensive!"

"Yeah," Akane said, laughing nervously. "Kind of pointless…" She was interrupted as her own phone began playing a ringtone.

'_I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world… I'm made of plastic, it's fantastic…'_

Akane blushed in embarrassment before answering the phone quickly just to stop the song. "Hi Shampoo, what's up?" she asked with a deep sigh.

"Shampoo want talk Ranma not stupid pervert girl."

"Well then call him, not me!" Akane growled back at the phone.

"Ranma phone always busy. Hand Akane phone Ranma now, is okay?"

"No it's not okay! I'm not his secretary! This is my phone you twit!" She violently hung up the phone. "Honestly!" she grumbled.

Yuka and Sayuri smirked knowingly. "Specialized ringtones are pointless, huh?" Yuka asked, causing Sayuri to erupt into a fit of giggles.

Akane flushed. "Hey! Give me a break will you? It's not like we're doing it for kicks or anything," she said even as a female Ranma returned to the seat next to her having finished his conversation with Kodachi. "It's just that when you have crazy people in your life it comes in handy to know who's calling before you answer your phone so you have time to prepare! Besides if…"

She was cut off as suddenly the theme song from Jaws began to play on Ranma's phone. His head jerked up and whipped around frantically. "AH! It's Kuno! Dangit! Where's the hot water when you actually need it?"

Akane merely laughed as Ranma finally gave up and answered the phone without the aid of hot water, attempting to drop his feminine voice down an octave. "H- ahem- Hello," he said in a bad imitation of a male voice. ... "Uh, no this isn't the pig-tailed girl, this is Ranma! Can't you tell by my deep manly voice?" He immediately winced again as Kuno started shouting on the other end and held the phone away from his ear until it stopped. "Hey now! I resent that! I did not steal the pig-tailed girl's phone, this is and always has been MY PHONE! Now quit calling me!" He hung up with a huff and Akane handed him a hot water thermos.

"Think your voice slipped a bit there at the end, Little Miss Ranko."

He glared and swiped the thermos from her. "Next time maybe you can give this to me a little sooner then?"

"And miss such a brilliant performance?" she snickered before one of her friends asked her a question and she turned to face them.

Ranma looked left and right for a brief second before quickly snatching Akane's phone off her desk.

Hiroshi and Daisuke were immediately leaning over his opposite shoulders. "Ranma, whatcha doing now?" Hiroshi asked.

"Shhh!" He insisted as he quickly mashed buttons on the phone.

"Program my number in!" Daisuke interjected.

"No! Shut up!"

"What about mine?"

"Would the two of you quit it!" he shouted, still nervously tapping on the phone. "There!" he exclaimed, returning the phone to her desk quicker than the eye could see, just as the bell rang and she turned back to pick it up so she could shut it off before class started.

"Phew, that was close," he whispered picking up his phone again. "And now maybe I can play a quick round before…" He was cut off as his phone beeped once and then locked up. "Ah man!"

"Maybe you should have spent your time trying to fix your own phone instead of messing with Akane's?" Daisuke suggested.

Ranma started to retort to his friend's jibe but was cut off as the teacher entered the room.

"Alright everyone," the teacher called. "Lunch is over, class is starting so put those cell phones away. If I hear one of your silly pop ringtones I am going to confiscate your phone and…"

'_It's been one week since you looked at me…'_

Akane flushed crimson and quickly grabbed her phone, trying to muffle the sound in her lap as she began to try and shut it off. Again.

'_Threw your arms in the air and said "You're crazy…"'_

The teacher sighed and began making her way around the room. "Alright, whose phone is that?" she asked.

"_Five days since you tackled me…"_

As Akane frantically tried to gain access to the main screen so she could power it down, Ranma smugly leaned over to her and laughed. "Shouldn't have messed with my phone tomboy. Payback sucks, don't it?"

_"I've still got the rug burns on both my knees_…"

She glared at him. "This isn't funny Ranma!" she hissed in hushed tones. "I need my phone! If Mrs. Tanaka catches me and takes it away…"

"_It's been three days since the afternoon…" _

"Not my problem!" he taunted.

"_You realized it's not my fault not a moment too soon…"_

"Not yet it isn't, but I can make it your problem!"

"_Yesterday you'd forgiven me…"_

"Akane," Yuka hissed nudging her friend as the teacher circled towards them.

"_And now I sit back and wait till you say you're sorry…"_

Akane looked up and sighed. "Ranma, you leave me with no choice!" she growled, quickly popping the back off her phone and removing the battery.

Ranma's smile quickly broke as his jaw dropped and the teacher passed by them both. "No fair! Why didn't I think of that!"

Akane gave him a smug grin reaching over to pat him on the back. "Hey now, don't let it get you down. Just remember, you're dealing with a true master now!"

All conversation was cut off as the teacher reached the front of the room and began her lecture, casting a suspicious eye at Ranma the whole time. He sunk down in his chair wondering why she always suspected him. "So much for trying to figure out the password during class," he thought to himself.

. . . . . . . . . .

A/N: Kinda an abrupt ending but oh well, I needed to rap it up some how. Hope you enjoyed it somewhat at least. I have a few more of these plotted out, but don't know when I'll actually work on them. This story is just a random spoof so I don't put the same time and effort into it that I do other stories. I would like to finish it at some point though as it actually does have a few more good jokes and an ending which I actually think is pretty cute. I do find this chapter a tad boring and redundant. Ultimately it's hard to keep this up without it getting really bad, but if even one person enjoys it I figure it's worth continuing.

If you guys have any ideas for funny gags, please let me know either with a PM or a review. I'm already working in quite a few of the suggestions I've received.

Oh and in case you didn't know, the songs featured were Matchbox Twenty - Unwell, Aqua - Barbie Girl, the Jaws Theme and Barenaked Ladies - One Week. The last I think actually works quite well to sum up Ranma and Akane's relationship. :-)

Alright, signing out. Let me know your thoughts! Now I am off to work on something a little more substantial...


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